Educated women aren't abused... Right?

    I was a victim of domestic violence. It has been 3 years, 3 months, and 30 days since I was abused physically, mentally, and verbally. My story, or this part of my story, starts when I was 19. I was once a vivacious girl with huge ambitions and friends from every walk of life. I went to parties, went dancing, joined groups, was active in a church... But all of that gradually changed when I met him.
    This guy whom originally made me laugh began to make me feel like I was wrong for having friends and for dancing, for going to parties, for going to lunch with friends, for having guy friends, and for spending time at church... and not with him. 
    I was young and naive and knew that with "love" came change, or so he told me. The isolation was the beginning of the manipulation. I was gradually made to feel ashamed of my friends and wanting to spend time with them, changing roommates every semester to please him, because they were "not good influences", he said. 
    Next was the verbal abuse. I was made to feel like I should be shameful for dating people before I met him. I had made impulsive decisions in relationships before and he let me share those things with him in a comfortable atmosphere only to use it against me later. Then I was wrong for being upset with him. I suddenly felt like everything that went wrong was my fault. Then everything that went wrong in his life was my fault.
Finally, after a year, he cheated on me. We broke up. I was free... Free to dance, free to have my guy friends, free to try to win my friends back... 
    When he saw me so happy, not moping and missing him, he came back with a vengeance. He came back and apologized over and over again, driving to a lookout spot in the mountains. We talked and he was calm, his eyes sparkled with sincerity, and there on the mountain top he proposed with his grandmother's ring. Wasn't that what every girl wanted? A romantic place? The sincere proposal? The family heirloom?
    Shortly after that, we moved in together. We planned our wedding for a year later. Over the course of that year, he gradually started the manipulation and the verbal abuse. I no longer had my friends, just him and his fair weather friends. This is when he became abusive. At first I would fight back. One time I sprained my wrist hitting him, but of course I made up a story to tell my family and friends- I lost my balance, got dizzy, in the kitchen and tried to catch myself on the counter, but hit my wrist instead as I went down.
    More and more instances happened- he would choke me, hit me, kick me... But he was always so sorry... Then it tuned on me:  he couldn't believe I would make him get that angry, and I was sorry.The first police report happened 2 months before our wedding. We were arguing, who knows what about; maybe I smiled at a neighbor, maybe I messed up dinner. Whatever it was, he flipped out. He was screaming and yelling, and the next thing I knew his hand was around my throat and he said he was going to kill me... But even then I knew he didn't really mean it, so I didn't fight back. He tripped me and threw me to the floor and started baring on my throat, so I screamed. I screamed and I cried because something told me he really meant it this time. The neighbors called the police and when they pulled in he let go long enough for me to get up and lock myself in the bathroom.
    Easy out, right? I should have left. I saw the officer willing me to leave with his eyes. But I stayed. He was "just stressed about the wedding," I told the officer. "He didn't mean it, and I did scratch him too, so I'm guilty too, right?" I still remember the look of pity in his eyes. He assured me that the police report would always be there because one day I would need it. He was wrong, I wouldn't need it... Right?
    The guy in my life (notice I don't use the term man) made me spend days apologizing for making him so angry... He couldn't marry me now, what would the neighbors think, especially since they called the police. I was young and naive and scared to admit to my family that I was wrong, so I convinced him we were ok... We just needed a vacation, a honeymoon...I hid it really well for over a decade.
    When I finally acknowledged my situation and took action, my friends and coworkers were shocked. I had worked with many of them for over 8 years. "You are an educated woman, how did you let the happen?""You are one of the smartest, strongest people I know- how did this happen?""Did you grow up in an abusive family?"These are the questions they asked. They were right. How did I allow myself and my children to stay in an abusive environment? What did that say about my intellect? What did it say about my parenting? What did say about me as a professional? Regardless of my education, my demeanor, my dedication to helping others, I was in an abusive situation. It took me forever to realize it was no fault of my own. The person I was married to spent years berating me, hitting me, choking me, condemning me to a life without self respect... But 3 years, 3 months, and 30 days ago I got away from that soul sucking relationship.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt